I’ve doubted myself many times perhaps enough times to outnumber the hate I receive from others. 

Feelings are complicated and as much as I love to portray myself as the undefeated Mad Bull, a man driven by rage, no one but myself really understands the reason behind that toxic feeling hindering my mind.

I have pushed myself over the limits time and again in order to evade reality. I deluded myself in such a state because a part of me wanted to silence the voices, and now that I stand at the top, they haven’t stopped, they are louder, they want me to fall but I don’t let them distract me.

I reached the top of an industry that would in normal circumstances ignore me, I was a mere young kiddo from a lonely street in Spain where professional wrestling is laughed at, I made wrestling important again, something to admire and I did that in less than a year.

I traveled to many places, was injured in most of them but the scars didn’t matter, I kept going won two fucking titles and here I stand. A fucking year has passed and I keep hearing their snickering.

They are both inside and out of my head. I’m doing much more than expected but It’s not enough for them. I began to think that perhaps they were right that all that happened was a fluke, that I was just lucky. 

I used to hate myself, I used to put my body in the line not because of the glory but because I wanted to be defeated to destroy this dream of mine so I could rest in perpetual silence, but that didn’t happen.

My first title didn’t mean much to me, I don’t know if I could say the same about this one though. I’ve grown physically and emotionally since I came here…I used to be a lone wolf, I would have rather kept to myself, I was secluded because I was scared to let the others down and let them become fuel to the voices. But I opened myself to Hate, even if I was backstabbed, I did something I never thought I could do.

I kept my promise as champion, I’m keeping one of the longest if not the longest winning streak of Project:Violence, I’m undefeated even though my stamina is vastly reduced every week by my packed schedule.

And even if I can still hear the doubts clouding my mind, I’ve been hearing the cheers from the fans as well.

The first time was surprising, it really was. I had always been treated as the bad guy, I was booed out of stadiums, people threw stuff at me when I won my matches but now..It’s a whole new world, people ask me for autographs and selfies, they chant my name even when I’m not schedule to appear, they love me, and I love them as well.

And even though I still find it hard to not hate myself, I want to keep walking this path, their love helped me, their cheers kept me going, and as a wrestler, I don’t think I could ask for more.

I will keep fighting, I will remain your champion, I won’t disappoint you nor myself, I will shut the voices and I will be remembered as one of the best wrestlers of this generation, and I owe you all for that.

Feelings are complicated, but I’m willing to understand them, to tame them.

I won’t give up my title, I want to taste the victory, I want to hear more of your cheers, and if the Starr Brothers or whoever in this damn company want to change that, I will receive them with open arms ‘cause I’m always looking to make some victory highlight reels, keep them coming!